Feeble Knees

Friday, February 10, 2006

Confessions of a "High Need" Mom?

I'm not sure if Bug is high-need or not, nor am I sure that I buy into Dr. Sears' theory of high-need babies. Though it is a very tempting line of thinking....

I'm too tired and spaced to provide the hyperlink here, but if you Google "Dr. Sears" and "high need baby" you'll probably come across Sears' site and the page in question. I'm not 100% into the whole attachment parenting thing (I'm still learning what that term means) so I'm a little suspicious of the label "High Need". In fact I'm suspicious of any ready-made labels designed to put a name on a problem.

It just seems too easy. Label your kid high-needs and then give into the way things are for several months. Maybe I'm reading the information wrong, but that's how it sounds. Wear your kid around the clock, nurse on demand, co-sleep, etc. etc. The lifestyle Sears seems to be advocating seems pretty darn hard on the parent(s). Granted, Bug's been pretty hard on us and when awake pretty much commands undivided attention. And that's pretty frequently because he is still working on mastering the fine art of napping and sleeping at night. But a large part of me still refuses to give in to the notion that I must give in to Bug's every whim and fancy. Even if he is just four months old. Maybe that's part of my problem. Maybe I should stop fighting and give in, stop trying to get us on a regular schedule, stop trying to live in the same world as everyone else. But my instincts say that's just wrong, that if I give in and give up so easily now, I'm going to be positively steamrolled by this child at every turn as he gets older.

I said it before, I'll say it again: I never dreamed it would be so hard. I had an inkling, but never the full realization. I don't say that to scare people who haven't had kids, because there is so much that makes all the tough stuff so worth it. I say it out of pure surprise. And admiration for all those who've survived it and managed to raise good, law-abiding, well-adjusted kids in the process.

Today my only priority, my only full-time goal, is to get him to nap, whatever it takes. So far we've been successful in getting him to sleep from 9:30 to 10:30. It took a lot of work to get this kid to sleep. He just went down again at about 12:20 after a bit more work. I can't explain to you how proud and accomplished I feel, just for getting a four month old to sleep. As soon as he went down the second time, I just about started dancing for joy (in my socks of course, don't want to wake him up!)

"I can do this, I really CAN do this," I thought to myself. "I am much better at this than I give myself credit for!" I crowed. "I bet Britney Spears couldn't deal with what I've been dealing with, she can't even be bothered to put her kid in his car seat where he belongs!" By now I'm feeling pretty high on myself, pretty sure that I am heading for the Super Mom Hall of Fame someday.

And so it is, I suppose, the perfect moment to realize that my pants are on inside out.


Happy Friday everyone!

[Updated to fix several really stupid typos!]
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