Feeble Knees

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Baby Dreams

I can't ever remember having dreams about babies before, but in the last three weeks I've had three very vivid dreams about having a baby. Hmm... Either it's just that I've been thinking a lot about it lately (see Uncharted Territory and Uncharted Territory II), or maybe it is really time & my subconscious is just confirming I'm ready. Too bizarre! As ambivalent as I used to feel about having children, I was very serious about not having them if I didn't *really* want them. I didn't ever want to be in the position of not being happy & joyful that I was pregnant. My heart aches for girls and women who find themselves in situation where it isn't such a joyful thing - that is not the way it was ever supposed to be. (Note I am NOT passing judgment on anyone who is less than thrilled about pregnant - there are many reasons why this must be, and who the heck am I to judge?)

When it comes to how we got into this age of so many unwanted children, there is plenty of blame to go around. For example how about those who reduce the miracle of life to antiseptic medical terms like fetus and "viable" blastocytes? It is sad that we women and girls think of all the inconveniences associated with pregnancy and child-rearing. It is terrible to hear of fathers and men getting their jollies and then leaving the women to deal with the repercussions. Tell me: would there be so many abortions if men actually grew a pair and accepted their moral responsibility as fathers? I don't think so. Too many men are perfectly pleased with the advent of the sexual revolution, because it affords them all the bennies minus the responsibility for their actions. Chew on that men, before you go rampaging around flapping your gums about the evils of abortion. Talk to me of the evils of men acting like children and refusing to take responsibility for their own offspring. Then we can talk about abortion. I can guarantee you that Jesus has more compassion for a woman who's been lied to, used, impregnated and abandoned than He has for the man who put her in that state. Don't believe me? Take it up with Him yourself.

This is only a shaving of my thoughts on the matter of babies, relationships and family. I've found that since I've been married my perspective on family has taken on new dimensions, ones that I couldn't have imagined while I was still single. It is so much more apparent to me know how both man and woman must be fully accountable to one another, and fully supportive of one another. It's been a real eye-opener.

So I guess it's not surprising then that I've been having these dreams as my mind attempts to retool everything it once thought about becoming a mother. One dream was incredibly reassuring, as if its intent was to convince me that I will know what to do when the time comes, and it will be ok. The second dream involved a rather indelicate portrayal of caring for an infant with a really bad case of diarrhea (yick!) that seemed to reaffirm that it's not going to be a picnic, but it is in fact survivable. The third dream is more puzzling, as it had to do with feeling like I was being held back from giving my child all that it needed to thrive. This one may have more to do with my own self than a child. Hm.

That one requires further reflection.

Ed Note: Please do not misconstrue my statement about being serious about not having children unless I really wanted them; this does not mean that I agree with abortion, because I don't. But I do not condemn women who struggle with the choice. I chose abstinence to insure that I would not be put in such a difficult situation. Personally, I never regretted that decision. But I don't say that to lord it over anyone else. God knows I'm no paragon of virtue; indeed, apart from His guidance, teachings, mercy and grace, I'm a total mess!!!.

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