Feeble Knees

Friday, September 23, 2005

Eviction Notice!

The notice came yesterday. Baby F only has a few more days left to voluntarily vacate the premises, else he will be evicted...

Because I have gestational diabetes, the decision has been made to induce labor (if it does not start naturally on its own) by the end of next week. There's still a fairly good chance things could get rolling on their own in the next few days, and it wouldn't surprise me. (Anyone who'd like to pray in that direction, you certainly have my blessing and my thanks!) Still I understand that because of the diabetes, past a certain point it will be detrimental to both me and the baby to let him stay in his cozy spot. So if we need an induction, so be it and may God help us through it.

Last night I did a bit of Googling to get more information about the particular drugs and procedures that will be used. I did this with an open mind, understanding that:

  • People who share their birth stories with the world tend to be the types who want to give you all the gory, scary details

  • Every person and every experience is different; how a drug affects one person may not affect someone else the same way

  • Not every doctor graduated top of his or her class; but not every doctor graduated at the bottom either

  • My own expectations and understandings of what may or may not happen will go a long way towards preparing me for any eventuality, and I need to trust my own body and instincts about what's right for me

So I found some horror stories about induction, and I also found some "eh, it was no big deal" stories about induction. I got enough clinical information to satisfy my own level of intellectual curiosity (I'm the type of freak who wants to see the needles and surgical instruments that will be used in any medical procedure before hand) and a wide enough spectrum of personal accounts to be relatively well informed about the risks, pros and cons.

Having done all that I climbed into bed, put my head down on the pillow and committed it all into God's hands and asked for His help and reassurance, that however this all plays out, He'll be right there with me. I'm not asking Him to supernaturally keep me from feeling any pain (I understand that pain's been part of the arrangement, from way on back in Genesis) or anything like that. I just need to know that He's there, no matter what, with His hand on all of us. Some reassurance, lots of courage, and strength to do what needs to be done - those are all tops on my wish list right now.

My Mom likes to pray for the doctors and nurses too, which strikes me as not a bad idea. I hope they all get a good night's sleep beforehand, are feeling well themselves and are on top of their game. That would be a help. I guess I'd like them to be in full possession of all their skills and faculties, mentally sharp and focused and ready for anything. I think God can help with that. He gave them all their intelligence and talents, He can certainly help them utilize them to the fullest extent.

Not sure how much I'll be blogging over the next few days. My thoughts are turning ever more inward and introspective as the days go by, and it's hard to express all that I'm feeling and thinking. I will try, try, try to keep it updated and at least sign off when we're heading for the hospital, whenever that may be. But I expect things to be rather irregular in the coming days and weeks.

I've even been contemplating starting a separate mommy blog, though I'm not sure if I'll have the energy or drive to keep two blogs going at once - I haven't been doing a very stellar job just maintaining this one lately. When I started it back in November of last year it was such a cathartic thing for me, and it helped me connect with so many caring people who were truly touched by the things I'd gone through. Their prayers and support (you know who you are people!) have meant so much and have been like a healing balm. It's been good to know I'm not alone, that I'm not nuts, that others have questioned and suffered and wandered just like I have, and yet have found greater riches in God through it all.

Since becoming pregnant last January, it's as though more healing has taken place as my perspective shifted subtly over time. It's no longer just about me, me, me, anymore - and while I never thought I was particularly self-absorbed, there's something about having a child that really makes you see beyond your own self in ways you never imagined possible before. I can't quite explain it, and I'm sure no one ever could have convinced me it was possible before I got up that Sunday morning and saw that little pink line that said "Pregnant!"

So to my faithful readers, this is not goodbye but just "hang on for a bit!" I'll try to keep you posted as soon as I can. (Maybe I can get Mr. F to guest blog an update for me?) I very deeply appreciate your well wishes and prayers, and will be thanking God for you and your kindness towards me in the days ahead.

In the meantime, just in case I don't get a chance to say it later, God bless you and keep you all!
<< Home

TrackBack URL for this post: http://haloscan.com/tb/feebleknees/112749116851232307