Future?

You may remember the infamous, ill-fated and short-lived vice presidential campaign of Admiral Stockdale, onetime presidential hopeful Ross Perot's running mate. Well lately as it pertains to this blog I find myself quoting the old Admiral.

"Who am I and what am I doing here?"

Since Bug was born (almost) ten months ago, I've certainly lost my focus, but even before he arrived on the scene my priorities and objectives shifted. I was like the starving artist who finally got fed - I lost some of my drive and my edge and started to meander all over the place.

Instead of rooting out all my angst about my past church experiences and the church in America in general, I got all happy and wrapped up in this new little life, which is as it should be, if I'm to keep progressing toward mental and spiritual health. No wound ever heals if it keeps getting picked at. And at times that's what I felt like I was doing with this blog - picking at things that would heal in time if I just left it alone. Maybe not. Maybe I've just been far enough removed and insulated enough from the craziness that still exists out there that it hasn't been pressing on my everyday heart and mind.

So Bug was born, we were deliriously happy, deliriously stressed and stretched by parenthood, and I lost just about all of my desire to blog. I've been trying (vainly) to keep it going in the last few months by doing a lot of mommyblogging, but that's far afield of what this blog was originally about (no matter how hard I try to keep it relevant, it never quite connects).

I'm at a crossroads and thinking about closing down Feeble Knees. It wouldn't necessarily be the end of my blogging life, but perhaps a start of something else - maybe something more generalist or more specific - I really don't know yet. But I'm seeking redirection and a focus that hasn't materialized as yet. The more I try to keep things going here the more it feels just like that - that I'm just trying to keep things going, and it's just not as fruitful as it used to be.

That's my line of thinking lately. Like anything else, it could change. I'm giving myself a few more weeks to discern where this might be going, and if it has a future. We shall see.

EDIT: Corrected to say that Admiral Stockdale was Ross Perot's running mate, not Dan Quayle's as I mistakenly wrote. Thanks to Jeff the Baptist for the correction!