Feeble Knees

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Letter to the Unwanted

Dear Little One,

For a while now I've been wanting to write and say how much I am thinking of you, and how sad I am that your folks are thinking about not keeping you and letting you live.

Please understand it isn't your fault, you didn't get to choose to be or not to be. It doesn't make you any less wonderful and beautiful. I wonder what you'd be like? What things would you enjoy in life? Would you be serious? Dreamy? Cheerful? What are your talents, I wonder? What gifts could you bring to the world? Would you be a statesman? Artist? Doctor? How needy are we for the perspective and skills that only you posses? Where in the world will we be without you?

If you get to live, there are lots of neat things you'll really enjoy: Sunrises, sunsets, swimming in an ocean or lake, playing with a dog or cat, slides, kites, fireflies, ice cream, fireworks, tickles, laughter, music, thunderstorms, singing, the warmth of the sun, birthday cake! learning to read and write, driving around on a summer day, making friends, being silly, cookies! falling in love, praying, starlit nights, green grass, riding a bike, getting married, helping someone who needs you, loving and forgiving. These things are all too good to miss.

There is much in this world that is awful, that is true. I won't deny that. Some think that you are better off never having to experience the pain and heartbreak that happen here daily. But they don't tell you how beautiful it is here too, that loneliness and sadness can be redeemed in an instant by the unspeakable beauty around you. There are beautiful people here who will meet you and love you. They'll want to help and encourage you when you get sad. They make it easier to live! There are also serendipitous moments when you realize that all the pain and suffering just help you to be more caring towards others who are having a tough time. Given the chance, I just know you could make someone feel special and loved someday. You could be one of those beautiful souls who make life's ups and downs easier to take. There is so much potential, so much promise in your little life!

It is also true that no one here escapes this life without being touched by tragedy and disappointments. We don't always get what we want, and when you live you make mistakes - sometimes big ones. But because of that, we also get a chance to learn about redemption, mercy and Love. This is a beautiful thing to experience first-hand. I wish you could. Oh how I wish you could!

I don't know what to tell you about your folks' reasons for not keeping you. They are probably different from parent to parent. Mostly I think they're afraid. Maybe they're afraid they wouldn't be very good to you, or afraid they wouldn't be able to provide a good life for you. They might be afraid of the responsibility you represent, and how you'd impact the course of their lives. When I think of how fearful and conflicted they must be, I hurt so much for them. I wish the news of you brought them joy and gladness, because you are someone worth celebrating, regardless of the circumstances that brought you about. But as you may be starting to figure out, humans are strange; we don't always do what we should, or react the way you'd think we would.

While you're still with us, I'm hoping for the best for you, I really am. I'm rooting for you and for your mommy and daddy. I'm hoping against hope for a change of heart, for a leap of faith, a willingness to let you live. You see, a few years ago my life hung in the balance, and my parents weren't sure what they wanted to do with me either. Then somehow they decided to let me live. I'm so grateful I got that chance, because a lot of cool stuff has happened, and I really enjoy living. There are some days that haven't been so great, (there always are) but on the whole it's been really worthwhile. Maybe if your folks thought about that, maybe it would make a difference. I hope so.

I'm thinking of you and praying for you today. No matter what, I'll always think of you and I'll never forget you. Whatever happens, please know that you are so precious in God's sight, and that He saw you there in the womb from the very beginning. He breathed life into you and wanted you to be. Someone wanted you, little one. Never forget that.

Never, never, ever forget, you were wanted.

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