Feeble Knees

Thursday, January 20, 2005


I've been trying to leave a comment at Phil Dillon's site but for some reason it keeps stalling out. So I'll thank him here.

After reading about some of my church experiences here, Phil at Another Man's Meat has begun writing a series of posts about some of his own experiences in the church. In A Brief History of a Church That Should Never Have Been, he shares about his experiences as a new pastor who begins to discover what the leaders in the church had been espousing prior to his installment. I didn't know he was moved to write these things, so I was kind of floored to read that he decided to do this after reading something I'd written.

Phil doesn't know this, but in the last few days I've been feeling a bit torn about sharing my experiences in the church on this site. From the get-go, I didn't want to just flap my gums and point fingers. God knows it really isn't my desire or intent to tear down the institution of church, nor is it my intent to discourage people from fellowshipping together. But I hoped that maybe someone else might benefit from the knowledge of what I've seen, heard and experienced.

Since Monday I've been unsettled about the whole thing. I started feeling guilty for not writing more about the grace and the goodness of God, attributes for which I am dearly grateful. Re-thinking my decision to join the evangelical aggregator, I wondered if perhaps I was writing for all the wrong reasons, maybe I was lost in sin, maybe I was just a negative person looking to complain. I didn't think I was, but who knows how deceived we can be about the condition of our own hearts sometimes? Certainly it's possible, I couldn't avoid that possibility, however distasteful.

It was becoming more difficult to post, because I've been second-guessing everything (sure death to any writing effort). While contemplating scrapping the whole thing, I ran across Phil's post. It reaffirmed to me that these stories should be told, and that we should not be ashamed to tell them.

It may not be my purpose right now to be a great evangelistic blog writer. I will never deny an opportunity to tell a seeking soul about Jesus. However it seems confirmed to me that my job right now is to warn about and confess the wrongs done in the name of Christ. I would rather like a different assignment, to talk about good things and happy people. But my heart says that there's more to do here, for now.

So I want to thank Phil for having the bravery to share from his own experiences. It encourages me to keep going and emboldens me to keep speaking out. As Christians we know that we are not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ - it is power of God unto salvation to all who will believe. Because my heart and soul is indebted to the saving grace of Christ, I am determined to continue to speak out against wrongs and injustices committed that sully His good name and crucify His cause.

If you have been hurt in a church situation, please know first and foremost that God still loves you, He will always love you, and he wants to help you overcome whatever it is that has happened to you. Do not let anything separate you from the love of God which is in Jesus. Hang on to your faith and ask God to help you see things as they really are, not as some may have tried to force you to believe. Find a believer or groups of believers you trust and tell them what you've been through, and ask them to pray for your healing and the restoration of your faith. Do not despair. God is still mighty to save you. Hang on. You're not alone, others have been where you are and have come through it all with a clearer understanding of God's grace, mercy, and forgiveness. There's hope for you too.

If I have to be nag for Jesus, then so be it. It is my hope and prayer that in retelling these stories some will be spared the heartache, devastation, and disillusionment others have suffered. Prayerfully we believers will all be reminded that ours is a ministry of reconciliation and a mission of love, that as we were called, so likewise we must call whosoever to come and see that the Lord is good.


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