Feeble Knees

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The Urge to Censor

Since I've come down off my high horse, I've been tempted to delete my posts from Monday. But that seems pretty cowardly, don't you think?

The great thing about blogging is I get a chance to put my thoughts out there and see what sticks. The other great thing about blogging is I get a chance to put my thoughts out there and see what stinks. However, it's not easy for me to accept my own mistakes for what they are and move on.

So it's rather tempting to quietly delete the angry posts and let every new reader have a false impression of me. Don't we wish we could do that in real life sometime? Take back something we said or did?

There are times when I've been guilty of trying very hard to put an impossibly good face on my Christianity. It seemed to me that I must handle every difficulty perfectly, and sail through life's ups and downs with an otherworldly calm and composure. This, I thought, would convince all the unbelievers in my life that what I had was genuine, and that Jesus was real. So when troubles came, I smiled through them. I accepted wrongs with grace. I manufactured my reaction to all conflict and strife, and at all times strove to do the Right Thing™. It certainly made an impression on the unbelievers in my life.

They thought I was some kind of neurotic freak!

During that time someone passed me a copy of Thank God It's Monday by Mark Greene, a former ad exec with Olgilvy and Mather. I was eager to read it because I thought it might give me new insights on how to reach people at the software company where I worked. (You want to find a new untapped mission field? Work in high tech!) The book turned my perspective about being a Christian in the work-a-day world up on its head. Rather than giving ten steps on how to create the perfect soul-winning-Christian-facade, the author shares some hilarious stories about his life and work in an advertising agency. What struck me most about the book is that God often used the author's biggest failings to make the biggest impact on those around him. (I'd love to divulge some of the stories, but you'd appreciate them more if you read them yourself. They're laugh out loud funny, and very thought provoking.)

Anyway, I say all that to get to this point: the witchy posts are staying up. I said previously that I probably wouldn't delete any unflattering comments because if people want to make themselves look bad, who am I to prevent them from doing so? Seems fitting that I sidle up to the bar and take a huge dose of my own medicine. I'll take my lumps, and perhaps learn a redeeming lesson or two?

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