Pregnancy Update: The Mental Fog is Lifting

There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I won't be exhausted and mentally deficient forever!

We're nearing the end of week 11, and I'm happy to report that I seem to be feeling a little more like my old self again, with a little more energy to spare. It seems that for the past eight weeks or so my body shut down all unnecessary systems in order to give its full attention to developing this little baby. It's kinda like on Star Trek when they have to bring down the shields on the starship Enterprise so they can go into warp drive, or something like that. Critical thinking? Unnecessary! Creative ability? Superfluous! Don't think, just eat, sleep, and make frequent trips to the little mommie's room.

I knew I must be starting to come out of it when I started getting cranky last week about feeling like a giant lump all the time. Up until then, I was a carefree and happy lump. Lately I've been able to get through the day without absolutely having to put my head down and catch some Zs. I've even had the urge to blog more. Things are definitely looking up.

On the flip side of things, my belly seems to be poofing out - a little early if you ask me. Jeans have been problematic, as is anything that is designed to fasten securely around one's waistline. Considering this is my first pregnancy, I assumed I'd glide blissfully into my second trimester before I'd have to stock up on those lovely stretchy maternity pants. Silly me! When my last pair of tolerably comfortable pants started feeling a bit too constrictive yesterday, I figured it was time. I made a mad dash to the store and grabbed a couple pairs of maternity jeans and khakis (all on clearance! saved 50%! Whoo-hoo!).

All along I've been holding my breath (figuratively, of course) waiting to get to twelve weeks. That seemed like the magic number where I could relax a little and stop worrying about a miscarriage. Yet I'm still a little on edge until we get to our next doctor's appointment next week. I'm hoping we'll be able to hear the heartbeat - then I will relax a bit. I know, I worry too much. Part of me just still doesn't believe this is all for real. It was so clear and powerful when we first got the news, but lately it's been a little less believable. I'm not sure if it's my fear or just my mental shutdown that's the cause of it.

It dawned on me last night that by the end of next month I will probably feel the baby move. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this, the idea has me pretty freaked out. I know it happens, it's supposed to happen! But I'm pretty sure I'm either going to go into shock or cry for an hour when it does. (Mr. F, stand by with the tissues, this is going to be a doozy!) I can't explain why, nor can I explain or understand many of the thoughts and emotions that run through my heart these days. It's all just very primal and strange. It's a bit of a wonderland, really.

Samia at Redneck's Wife just started on the journey to Mommydom right after me, and it's been so neat to check her blog and hear how she's doing. Meanwhile somewhere in the world Jane Missionary is in labor today, and I find myself on pins and needles waiting to hear the big news. My thoughts and prayers are with her and Joe and Junior.

For someone who never dreamed that one day she'd be in this position, it's all been very surreal so far: nothing like I expected, but far better than I ever could have hoped.

God is good.