Feeble Knees

Monday, January 31, 2005

What a Difference a Day Makes

The last twenty four hours have been a day like no other.

First off, to everyone who's wished us well, thank you! I busting at the seams to tell *someone*, and couldn't keep myself from blogging it out. Your well-wishes and prayers mean so much to us! I'm going to save them and always treasure them. Thank you.

I meant to post or at least comment again last night to thank you all, but as you can imagine, it was a rather wild day, with lots of excitement. By early evening I was convinced that a persistent dull ache in my shoulder, combined with pain in my lower back meant that I was dying. Or at least losing the baby. No matter that I had no fever, chills, shortness of breath or other symptoms. This was serious, an unexplained pain! In my shoulder! Imagine my incredulity when my sweet, kind and very attentive husband kissed me on the head and said "eh, you're fine, I wouldn't worry too much about it."

Worry too much about it? Worry too much about it??? Clearly I am grave danger! A quick consultation at WebMD just added fuel to my frantic fire. Maybe it's a gallbladder attack! Maybe I have an ectopic pregnancy! Good Lord, I'm having a heart attack!

Welcome to the world of Pregnancy Mania, population: me.

This morning I spoke with a very understanding nurse who must specialize in hypochondriac first-time mothers like myself. She very reassuringly told me to take a Tylenol and put a heating pad on my achey shoulder. And she didn't even laugh at me.

In the meantime, I can't help feeling very small, and very quiet and awed that there's a new little life in the universe, and it's taking shape inside me. Those of you who've been reading here for a while know that this is rather poignant for me, considering how my life kinda got started off on shaky ground. This is just a very profound thing for me then, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to convey just how grateful I am to God for this. Something just clicked into place in my heart, some joy, some forgiveness, a deeper awe for God's majesty, a greater desire to worship the One who is truly able to make all things right.

A few weeks ago I got a little annoyed, thinking of how it could take up to two whole weeks before I'd be able to find out if I was pregnant. It bothered me to think that some litle one could be in there, rapidly being knitted together in secret, with only the Lord Himself aware of what was taking place. No fair. I wanted to know too!

I suppose I should start here and now and put my money where my mouth is where it comes to putting my little one in the hands of the Lord. They had a secret, a few sacred days just between the two of them. Who am I to begrudge them a little alone time? There's no time like the present to remind myself that God himself loves this little person far more than I'll ever be able to in my own strength.

Now that's some blessed assurance.
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