Feeble Knees

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Growth Spurts

Seems as if Bug's right on time with that six week growth spurt thing. Whereas before he was rather casual about when he ate, now he's as demanding and unyielding as a boot camp drill sergeant.

I don't know but it's been said, a hungry Bug just must be fed!"

The last twenty four hours have been pretty surreal. Bug's wanting to eat every two hours. That means if he starts at 1, finishes at 2 (what with all the burping and changing in between and whatnot), he's smacking his lips and staring hungrily at me again by 3. Now I'm a multi-tasker from way back, but one hour is not a lot of time in which to accomplish anything significant when you're working with a rather large-ish sleep deficit.

So I don't have much to say or much time to say it. But this has me thinking that all these years I might have had the wrong idea about what it's like to grow in God. I used to think that the more wonderful things I did for Christ - ministries, devotions, etc. - that that was an indication that I was growing and maturing in God - because I could do more. That seemed to be the litmus test, particularly in the church circles I traveled. If you were still sitting in the pew, then obviously you were still milk-fed and weak in the church's eyes. And it seemed to make sense to me.

But this morning roughly around 4 am as Bug pigged out on his third repast of the day, I began to rethink this whole growing business. It's a very subtle thing. I know he's growing at a phenomenal rate, because that's what babies do. But day to day it's so subtle you can miss it. He still can't do very much, relative to a grown human. So you can't exactly gauge the progress of his daily growth based on what he can do. The only way I know now that he is having an accelerated period of growth is because he's eating more. His need is increased dramatically. His little cries are a bit more frequent and urgent and frantic.

So the thought struck me somewhere around 5 AM that perhaps we are growing most in God when we feel the greatest need of Him. These are not typically top-of-the-mountain times in our lives. These are the low-down-Oh-God-I-am-such-a-mess-I-need-you-desperately times. Times when our cries are a bit more frequent and urgent and frantic.

Yet we tend to think (at those particular moments) that we're that desperate because we're that messed up, or far from God, or exceedingly sinful. I know that's how it's been with me. But now I wonder. Those times I cried out all the more urgently really did end up being the biggest turning points in my life and faith. Rather than consider these moments times of weakness or failings, now I know these were the growth spurts in my relationship with Christ.

I really hope I remember this, you know, the next time I'm freaking out and crying out desperately for God. I need to remember this: He's there. He will provide, and by His grace I will continue to grow....
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